Hope amd Rest Calming Waters

Beside the Quiet Waters

2012-01-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

". . .He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul"

Psalm 23:2b,3

Learning to live with chronic pain an illness, in itself, is an emotional and physical journey through life that often leave a person feeling battered . Like boat sailing on a rough and turbulent sea, the waves of pain can be over whelming, making us feel like our boat is going to capsize. The waves of misery that begin to plague us each and every waking hour, as well as plague our nightly rest, begin to take over our lives living us feeling lost and feeling like we are in a dark raging storm, with no signs of quiet waters ahead.

Beside quiet waters . . .

In the midst of all the changes in my life and choices I have had to make in dealing with my own battle with chronic pain and illness, I have felt at times like I was on a stormy sea, with no quite and calm waters a head. Then I would remind myself by the many blessings that God has brought into my life; My loving husband, my two wonderful children , my four beautiful grandchildren, and all of a sudden my world does not seem so dark any more. Then I am reminded what happens to me when I forget that He is my Lord and the Shepard of my life, and in Him I can find a resting place.

In Hebrew the quiet waters means a quiet resting place. We all want an oasis away from the murky and troubled waters of life that seem to drown us at times. Pure water has a soothing and refreshing effect on us. Our Shepard leads us to the main well of living water from which flow gentle tributaries of peace, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Jesus also asks us to draw deep from the well of His living water, and not with just a paltry cup or broken cistern. "`[But] my people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water" Jeremiah 2:13

This jewel of a psalm has calmed countless hearts. It is beside the still waters where the Holy Spirit meets His saints, not in the winds and waters of strife, for He cannot lead us to the placid waters if we are rushing ahead of Him. If we don't have the time then we must take the time to be led to the peaceful stream of morning hours with Him. This is when He prepares our hearts for the battles of the day. This is where the victory is won before the battle is engaged: in prayer, seeking our instructions for the day. Come, let us rest awhile by the still waters of His gentleness and concern.

Celebrate your courage

2012-01-09T08:49:00.001-08:00

Imagine waking up every morning, and having to face the reality of yet another day filled with nausea and pain, and knowing that there is little or nothing your medical doctor can do to cure your illness and remove the suffering from your life. I am talking about a misery that is so severe that you are driven to tears of frustration, hopelessness, and even thoughts of suicide. I am talking about misery that is so chronic in nature, that it has robbed you of the ability to earn a living, to enjoy a normal social life, to go to church on a regular bases, to manage even the most simple daily tasks and responsibilities.

My name is Barbara Engle, and I have been living with chronic pain and chronic nausea associated with Gastroduodenal Crohn's Disease/Gastroparesis and for over twenty five years. I have lived with chronic pain associated with Fibromyalgia for the last twelve years. At this time in my life there is no medically planned therapy, no guaranteed surgery that will insure that I will live the rest of my life pain and misery free.

But I am not unique in any way! Many Christians and non-Christians alike awake each morning with that reality of facing another day of battling with a chronic illness or pain, and knowing that there is very little their physician can do about it. As a result, they most face each day as a challenge in order to live their lives to its fullest.

The challenge of living with chronic illness , even one as serious as Gastroparesis isn't always apparent when you're first diagnosed. This is just the beginning. It takes time to understand your illness, the treatment options available, and how living with illness will affect your life and the lives of your partner and family.

Being sick is like being on a an emotional roller coaster -- you can be up and hopeful one minute and down and doubtful the next. Your illness can take unexpected and unpredictable turns. One disease can dispose you to or give rise to another. This can be frightening as well as exasperating. Finding medication that works, being committed to following a good treatment plan and maintaining honest, direct and open communication with your healthcare providers takes time, energy and skill. And quite often lead down a road of disappointments that can at times make the whole situation seem hopeless, when despite your diagnoses there is still so much that medical science does not known. But this is only part of the picture. Living with illness affects every part of your life and every significant relationship you have. Despite the reality of close ties, many relationships fall on the way side in the face of an illness the don't understand, or an illness they are unwilling to accept for many reason.

The fact is, if you're living with chronic illness you do face it with courage whither you believe it or not. No matter how scared you are, face life's challenge. In the process of meeting life's challenges, you have learned and are continuing to learn how to meet your fears and move beyond them. Perhaps you don't think of yourself as particularly courageous or even confident. Maybe it's time to take a closer look. These four questions will help you do that.

1. What have you learned about yourself since you were diagnosed with a chronic illness?
2. What initially held you back from learning these things about yourself?
3. What did you learn from the times you felt most discouraged?
4. What will your legacy be to those who know and love you?

No one knows the journey you and your illness have taken better than you do, and no ones knows more than you, the challenges you've met and the wins you've achieved. Acknowledge and embrace them. Celebrate your courage.

A Day of Rest

2009-12-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

You can’t be a Christian or attend church as a child with out getting to know the story of the Ten Commandments. Most of us know the basic Ten, including the one that says; “ keep the Sabbath Holy.” While this basic commandment was an important teaching of my childhood as a Seventh-day -Adventist. When I left the church behind me and began to attend church on Sunday, I left my beliefs in not working on the Sabbath behind me, along with a lot of other beliefs.

As I struggled to deal with the realities of battling a chronic illness and pain, I was like every other women I knew. When they say; that a women’s work is never done, it is true. Whether you are a single mother, working mother, physically challenged mother, or wife, you always have something that needs to be done. I don’t know a single married women that has not looked at her hubby setting in front of the TV on Sunday watching a football game , and wish he would get off his bum and help once in a while. The least he could do is watch the children while you do the laundry.

Personally, I have lived my life as a busy bee. I don’t even have ADHD, and yet , I have had a problem with sitting down and being still. Even in the winter months, when I could not piddle in the yard, or paint a bedroom wall, I would still had to keep my hands busy , usually crocheting.. When my health got to the point when I should have been resting, I was mopping the floor.

Confession, often easies the soul. When I had my hysterectomy, it was not an easy quick surgery, they had to open me up and staple me back together . It took four doctors to deal with an issue that should have taken one, and been a relatively easy procedure. Three days after my release from the hospital I was on a plane heading for a funeral. It was two more weeks before I was able to finally sit down and rest an begin the recovery process. By then I was bleeding internally, from pulled internal stitches. By the time I saw a doctor a few days after I got home, I was anemic and battling chronic fatigue. It took me over a year to get over the surgery and finally get my energy levels back.

I learned two valuable lesson as I began to recover…

1. When ever the human body becomes ill or injured, it needs time to recover and heal. Which means rest and lost of it!!!!!

2. The human body needs a day of REST! Every single week!!!!

If either of these are ignore, the autoimmune system is effected and chronic fatigue sets in, along with muscle pains and aches. Not to mention the emotional stress that happens due to simply being exhausted.

The bible does say that even God took a day off. “ And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done…” ( Genesis2:2) My conception is simple , if God needed a day off, and He is the Almighty, then we need a day off two…

Think About it!

Reaching Out….

2009-12-05T10:17:00.000-08:00

It has been said; “ A human being requires at least eleven hugs a day to feel complete!” I have no idea whether that figure is correct or not, but I do know that a baby can not survive with out human touch. A child that is denied this basic need, is more likely to grow up to be an ax-murder, than a well balanced member of society. Our need for the human touch, is as natural a need as air, food, and water. After all God has made us to be touchy-feely people.

Human touch has the power to heal the heart, soul and body. In fact, before aspirin, heating pads, and whirlpools, humans treated their sore bodies the old fashion way: by human touch. When a farmer twisted his knees, he would rub it with liniment. When a princess developed a headache, there was always someone available to rub her temples until the pain went away. Touching our body where it hurts is basic instinct, like running from danger, or eating when you are hungry.

If you have every treated yourself to a message, you know how relaxing it can be. A message offers many benefits , including:

* Reducing muscle tension
* Stimulates and soothes the nervous system
* Enhances skin condition
* Improves blood circulation
* Enhances digestive and intestinal function
* Increases mobility in joints
* Relief of chronic pain
* Reduces swelling and inflammation

Besides the physical aspect of the human touch can bring, it is can also help heal and harmonize the human soul. As well as calming our minds of the worries of the day. But more to the point, when you reach out and touch another person , or open yourself up to their touch by another person to give you a hug, or show you compassion, emotional healing always follows.

Struggling with a chronic illness, and pain that has been a reality all my life. Experiencing human compassion, has not been something that has been easy for me to obtain. Even my own mother was less than compassionate about my illness as a child. Her first words to be was, once she got tired of doctors and their misconception concerning what was wrong with my stomach was; “ Learn to deal with it and stop complaining.” By example I learned to deal with my pain and illness, by silently accepting it and put on the mantle of a strong and self-sufficient women. And in doing so, I failed to learn how to build lasting relationships with others. Or the blessing that would be mine if I only allowed someone to reach out to be in my darkest hour.

Learning to be more open and honest about myself and my pain is a new experience for me. But in the process of learning how to open my heart and reach out to others with my need for advice, understanding, and compassion. I have gain a lot of insight into my own heart, and with in it I found that I to had an ability to reach out an touch others with my own compassion , understanding, and wisdom obtained by dealing with a chronic illness all my life.

If during you darkest moments, you find yourself sitting in a corner feeling sorry for yourself, or feeling over whelmed by fear, and loneliness, you are only doing yourself harm, by not sharing your pain with another. You are allowing another person to help you and to learn themselves from the experience. The same experience that you will learn, when you reach out and touch another person that is in pain. In the process of receiving compassion and giving it out, you will learn to deal with the emotional aspects of your illness with far more patients and compassion for yourself.

　

Yes, human touch can be very healing! But only if you are willing to reach out and open your heart.

Focusing on the Darkness

2009-12-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

There is this man that I know that has a real it all figured out what is going to happen in these end time. He truly believe that he can take the puzzle of God word and tell his fellow man who is the false prophet, and who will usurer in the anti-Christ. His goal, as he spells out his end time prophetic message, is to pin point the actual turn of events that will tell us when exactly that Lord is going to return. In the process of defending his conception, he comes up with leading men of God that agree with him. The problem is, that I can come up with just as many, that have a different conception, but I don‘t bother. When all his said and done, Jesus himself said that he had no idea when He would be returning, only God knows that. Yes, He did give us some guidelines that would make His return, but that is all that He could give us…

I don’t know if this desire to know the exact time of the Lord return is a man thing or not. All I know is that my uncle has become obsessed with an over whelming need to spread his message, in hopes of waking up his fellowman that our time is short. In the process, he has become filled with bitterness and resentment towards our president, ( every president in the last 20 years, not just this one) he is angry towards the church he feels has failed the world by not teaching the truth…( his churches conception of truth) That he has missed so much of God blessing in his life. He has with his obsessive attitude pushed his own children out of his life. Not intentionally, for he does love them. They simple can no longer deal with his dark attitude.

When you spend so much of your time focusing your attention on the problems of this world, then you miss the positive things that God is doing all around you ,because your thoughts are blinded by the darkness you see. A person, that spends all their time focusing their attention on their physical pain and misery, will become bitter and resentful towards their doctor, because he failed to give them a pill that will take their pain and misery away. In the processes their dark and negative thoughts rob them of the blessings that come from learning to rely on the Lord to guide them into a less painful existence.

Living with chronic pain myself, I have walked the dark path of bitterness and resentment towards my doctors, towards myself, and towards God, because of this painful thorn in my flesh. I gained victory over my pain, by changing the directions of my thoughts. When I came to accept just as Apostle Paul eventually did, that Hs grace is sufficient, His light began to shine brightly on my pain.

As I began to focus on the Lord as an active light in my life, He opened a door for me and I began to gain that peace of spirit and soul that goes beyond understanding. Under the stress of fighting my pain in the darkness, the pain was so out of control that my doctor could not help me. I so was caught in the dark world of my own misery that I could not see the light. Once I stopped fighting my own body and began to relax and focus my attention on the Lord, His light began to envelope my whole life. In the process I learned that there were certain things that I could do to help relive my own pain ,and in the process my pain as diminished to nothing more than a small achy reminder that my thorn is still there..

Living in the light has given me a whole new perspective of these end times. I see not a world of darkness filled with pain and hardships, all though I know it exist . Instead, I see a world of possibilities. I see God people rising up and becoming the light in the darkness. I see people walking not away from the church ( the true Church of God the Body of Christ) but embracing it and leaning to walk in the light as they begin to walk in a closure relationship with the Lord. I see people from all walks of life, from all around the world and every race and nationality , reaching out and touching the life of others , with the Light the flows through them as a river of life.

Walking in the light is a matter a choice. But as long as you are focusing all you thoughts on the darkness that is all you will every see!!!!

Soothing the emotional savage beast

2009-12-05T10:15:00.000-08:00

Soothing the emotional savage beast

Living with any chronic illness can rage a war on our emotions. The ups and downs of dealing with pain and misery, can play havoc with our emotions. The frustration and disappointments that come from dealing with doctors that would just as soon send us to a psychiatrist rather than deal constructively with our illness, can and often does make us feel frustrated, angry, confused and often depressed. The frustrations of deal with medication that fails to work, and having to face the reality of an unknown future, can leave us battling with anger towards our own body that has fails us at every turn and is keeping us from doing the things that we once took pleasure in doing. To make things even worse, we have to deal with people!!!!!

Some people , including our own family members, never make any endeavor to understand how we feel. Or even to take the time to know who we are as a person, but that does not stop them from being critical and condemning. On the other hand, those that do try, even our own spouses, tend to either treat us as small children, or like invalids. Personally, one thing that causes me the most stress in this never ending battle with a chronic illness and pain , is from my husband . He can be loving and compassionate on minute and Jackass that next…I truly believe what is said about men; “ They are the only species of jackass that does not grow a tail!” But his worse and best virtue has been his willingness to take care of me, even if I don’t want him to. The stress of his trying to do everything for me, can cause me to want to run and hide. Or at the very least I long to scream at him to stop treating me like some fragile women that will brake if she is not careful. So I bruise easy, and I fall down a lot, but I have not broken anything yet, and bruises heal. But instead of trying to comfort me in my pain due to a fall, he yells at me and calls me name’s that I don’t care to repeat.

Okay! So my husband can be a Jackass! I don’t really believe that is going to change, simple because he loves me and cares for my well being, even when he is yelling at me to be more careful, his concern is genuine. So if his way of handling my pain is not going to change, then I am going to have to learn to deal with it with out allowing my feelings to get hurt, or at the least get stressed over his way of showing concern

I realize that not ever spouse tries to understand, but each has their own way of dealing with the emotional stress they too are feeling as they try to figure out the best way to handle our health issues. Health issues that are effecting their lives as well as our own.

Our physical reaction to our emotional upheaval

Emotional stress as we all have experienced can make our pain worse. During angry and stressful emotional moments , our muscles begin to stiffen and our pain worsens under the stress. For those with our with out intestinal issues, being upset can throw off our diet and leave us with no desire to eat at all, which can cause a whole lot of other problems. Yelling and screaming out our frustrations can lead to excess acids being accumulates in our stomach causing cramps and nausea. Keeping our feelings inside and never allowing them to be dealt with constructively , can lead to our developing ulcers.

One thing is for sure, we don’t need to battle our emotions on top of our illness and pain. Instead, we need to learn to express them and deal with them in a constructive way. We could of course, go to the psychiatrist the doctor suggested. We could choose to lock ourselves away from stressful situations and people. Personally I choose to calm my emotional beast with music.

Music has the power to do either invigorate you, depress you more, or calm your spirit and soul. Country music that talks about lost love tends to make me depressed, old time rock can boost my energy levels. Soft music soothes the soul and allows a calmness of spirit. And it does not have to be Christian in nature to bring me peace. I start my day with soft music that fallows my every day activity. My family tease me for what the call my elevator music that fallows them from room to room. But they also realize that it does help.

Try music when your savage beast is our of control and see if it does not help .

The Simplicity of Faith

2009-09-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

“occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister names Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and was listening to His teaching. But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] as distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]! But the Lord replied to her saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and trouble about many things; there is need of only one or but a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her. “ (Luke 10:38-42 )

Many Christians are like Martha.. They spend all their Christian life trying to be the perfect Christian.

They work hard to obey church doctrines, attend church every Sunday, pay their tithes regularly and commit themselves to the pastors authority. The most important aspect of their Christian walk, is to they put on an outward appearance of being a strong self-sufficient Child of God, one of true faith and dedication to righteousness. Some Christians go as far as to keep such a close watch on the dark world around them, looking for all the signs of the Lord intimate return, listening to all the prophetic messages that proclaim doom and glum, that they can’t see the hand of the Lord moving in this world in a positive way, as His light begins to shine in the darkness.

But like Martha, most Christians are not motivated by any true love of the Lord or willingness to humble themselves before Him an sit at His feet and listen to His words of guidance and hope. They are moved by fear of losing their own salvation if they make one single mistake, like missing a church service, or getting sick. Or their actions of looking at the dark world so closely ,may be motivated by fear of losing their own salvation, if the Lord does not return soon. In other words, many Christians who’s beliefs and action are motivated like Martha, by anxiety, and worry.

The Simplicity of Faith

I believe that the Christian life should be a celebration. And yet too many believers don't even enjoy their Christian life, let alone celebrate it. Many people truly love Jesus Christ and are on their way to heaven, but very few are enjoying the trip. For many years I was one of those people … and so was Martha.

Martha was so busy doing what I used to do, running around trying to be perfect in order to impress God and every other person in the church. I complicated my relationship with the Lord because I had a legalistic approach to righteousness. I pursued many religious conception in order to improve my situations in life, and to prove myself as a Christian. I claimed God had healed me of my illness, keeping the truth of my pain and misery to myself, so that I would be viewed by the church as self-sufficient and a worthy person of value to the church and to God. I went to church every time the door was open, in order to win approval, even when I was so sick and in so much pain, I should have been in bed. All because it was vital to me that I be viewed as a women of faith and conviction. When every endeavor on my part to be accepted by others in the church failed, and I began to be verbally abused by the leadership of the church and by my so called brothers and sisters in the Lord, I began to resented people I viewed were exactly like Mary. Christians that seem to have no problem fitting into the church life with easy. Christians, by all out word appearance, that clearly to me had no problem doing everything that was required of the church, and were perfect Christians. While I on the other hand, never seemed to fit in, and was always on the receiving end of accusations. I had no conception of how deceived I really was.

My problem was that I was all Martha and no Mary. I loved Jesus, but I had not learned about the simple life He desired me to live. The answer, I discovered, was rooted in faith, an action on my part when discovered what it means to sit at the feet of Jesus, listen to His words, and trusting God with all of my heart and soul. It was at His knees that I learned to accept His unconditional LOVE for me

Only Jesus!

Jesus came to this world and paid for our sins, taking our punishment upon Himself. He became our substitute, paid the debt we owed, at no cost to us. He did all this freely because of His great love, grace, and mercy. He inherited all the Father has to give and tells us that we are joint-heirs with Him by virtue of our faith in His Love and sacrifice. He has provided the way for our complete victory both here and hereafter. We are more than conquerors. He has conquered, and we get the reward without the battle.

How much simpler could it be? The gospel is wonderfully uncomplicated. Complication is the work of the church who has failed to accepted this simple truth. A church filled with Christians that look upon God as a father with a big stick, just waiting for them to screw up so He can whack them. And in the process they have belittled and ignored the simple truth of the CROSS!

If you want to live a complicated, complex, joyless life, spend your time trying to do something that can't be done without God. Try to live in the shadows of other peoples opinions and beliefs, and your life will be filled with pain and disappointments.

Return to and celebrate the simplicity of your faith in Jesus alone! And in doing so walk with Him in the Light of Life !

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, " I am the light of the world.

He who fallows Me Shall not walk in the darkness, but will have the

light of life"( John 8:12)

Celebrate your courage

2009-08-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

Imagine waking up every morning, and having to face the reality of yet another day filled with nausea and pain, and knowing that there is little or nothing your medical doctor can do to cure your illness and remove the suffering from your life. I am talking about a misery that is so severe that you are driven to tears of frustration, hopelessness, and even thoughts of suicide. I am talking about misery that is so chronic in nature, that it has robbed you of the ability to earn a living, to enjoy a normal social life, to go to church on a regular bases, to manage even the most simple daily tasks and responsibilities.

My name is Barbara Engle, and I have been living with chronic pain and chronic nausea associated with Gastroduodenal Crohn's Disease/Gastroparesis and for over twenty five years. I have lived with chronic pain associated with Fibromyalgia for the last twelve years. At this time in my life there is no medically planned therapy, no guaranteed surgery that will insure that I will live the rest of my life pain and misery free.

But I am not unique in any way! Many Christians and non-Christians alike awake each morning with that reality of facing another day of battling with a chronic illness or pain, and knowing that there is very little their physician can do about it. As a result, they most face each day as a challenge in order to live their lives to its fullest.

The challenge of living with chronic illness , even one as serious as Gastroparesis isn't always apparent when you're first diagnosed. This is just the beginning. It takes time to understand your illness, the treatment options available, and how living with illness will affect your life and the lives of your partner and family.

Being sick is like being on a an emotional roller coaster -- you can be up and hopeful one minute and down and doubtful the next. Your illness can take unexpected and unpredictable turns. One disease can dispose you to or give rise to another. This can be frightening as well as exasperating. Finding medication that works, being committed to following a good treatment plan and maintaining honest, direct and open communication with your healthcare providers takes time, energy and skill. And quite often lead down a road of disappointments that can at times make the whole situation seem hopeless, when despite your diagnoses there is still so much that medical science does not known. But this is only part of the picture. Living with illness affects every part of your life and every significant relationship you have. Despite the reality of close ties, many relationships fall on the way side in the face of an illness the don't understand, or an illness they are unwilling to accept for many reason.

The fact is, if you're living with chronic illness you do face it with courage whither you believe it or not. No matter how scared you are, face life's challenge. In the process of meeting life's challenges, you have learned and are continuing to learn how to meet your fears and move beyond them. Perhaps you don't think of yourself as particularly courageous or even confident. Maybe it's time to take a closer look. These four questions will help you do that.

1. What have you learned about yourself since you were diagnosed with a chronic illness?

2. What initially held you back from learning these things about yourself?

3. What did you learn from the times you felt most discouraged?

4. What will your legacy be to those who know and love you?

No one knows the journey you and your illness have taken better than you do, and no ones knows more than you, the challenges you've met and the wins you've achieved. Acknowledge and embrace them. Celebrate your courage.